How to Pet a Stranger’s Dog on Campus

by Sydney Hill

Step One: Do the awkward stare-intently-at-the-dog-and-then-make-eye-contact-with-owner thing.

Step Two: Smile awkwardly at the owner and wait for them to give the ‘you can pet my dog’ smile.

Step Three: Walk towards dog and officially ask owner if you can pet their dog.

Step Four: Immediately start petting dog and using a baby voice to tell the dog how good he is.

Hill 1

Step Five: Cradle the dog and contemplate your life if that dog was yours.

Step Six: Take at least 6 snapchats with the dog.

Hill 2

Step Seven: Continue petting the dog and ignore all cues from the owner that they want you to leave now.

Step Eight: Remember that you have class in 2 minutes, contemplate stealing the dog, and finally loosen your grip.

Step Nine: Sit in class covered in dog hair and slobber and reminisce on just how awesome that experience was.

Step Ten: Instagram a picture of the stranger’s dog with the caption “Stole a dog today.”

Hill 3

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